Since the dawn of time, there has been one, and only one, universally held truth among living beings. All experience, knowledge, innovation and industry share their origins in this fact. A single shred of union amongst all things, the glue of the universe, of all that has ever been and all that will ever be.

Bears are best.

But which Bear is best?

Some say the Polar bear, King of the North. Others the Grizzly, the Pan-American devil and purveyor of tricks. Others the Kodiak, the long-lost cousin that grew up playing country football. But none are correct. For those with a nostril to the scent know that this question has an easy answer – we must put these Bears to the test to separate the wheat from the chaff. Ladies and gentlemen, please may I present to you:

The BEAR OF THE YEAR competition for 2021!

Back after a disappointing hiatus amid international meltdown, the Bear of the Year 2021 will showcase some incredibly talented young Bears ready to show the world their worth. Let us be clear, this will be no Miss United States – only grueling, demoralizing competition awaits these brave creatures. Please join us from 7pm on Saturday June 5th at the West Oak Hotel – we’ll be upstairs in the private room with bountiful nibbles and morsels on offer for all so please don’t fill up on dinner beforehand.

A portal will soon be shared through which tickets can be purchased. Please get in early to save your spot. Don’t forget any dietaries. May the best Bear win!